Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.
Both now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen.
Holy Immortal, have mercy on us.
As a young junior high school student, I wasn't fast enough to run most track and field events. But one event I could participate in was the relay race.
A large part of our training was concerned with handing off the baton. The idea was to sprint as fast as you could to the next runner on your team. His job was to meet you about fifteen yards before the hand-off and run with you, being careful to match your pace exactly. In this way, you didn't have to stop to hand him the baton; you could continue the race without losing momentum. If everything went smoothly, the baton was passed from one hand to the next and the race progressed.
The hand-off was the single most important part of the race. Not that it was that difficult, mind you; it just led to the worst of consequences if it wasn't managed properly. The running part was easy. You simply did your best and that was that. But the hand-off had to be conducted with care lest - horror of horrors - you dropped the baton and thereby cost your team precious time and probably the race as well.
Running too slowly was excusable; all you could do was your best. But dropping the baton was totally unforgivable. Such a tragedy would lead to the immediate scorn of your teammates and the derision of your opponents. It was something that most all of us dreaded and worked to avoid.
Recently, I asked a group of young parents in our parish what their chief priority was with their children. Not surprisingly, each of them spoke of passing on their faith to their children. Like a runner in a relay race, no one wanted to stumble. The consequences of doing so were more than any of us wanted to consider.
But as a practical matter, how do we pass on our faith to our children? How do we successfully hand off our faith to the next generation so that they can continue the race and do their part to advance the Christian mission? No doubt, there are a variety of ways. But I would suggest that one of the main ones is the practice of family prayer.
As an Orthodox Christian I've come to believe that the Kingdom of God is the central reality of life. It takes precedence over every other allegiance, over every other priority. But that Kingdom is not some ethereal, far away place. No, it is concretely manifested in the life of the Church, especially in the Divine Liturgy. In other words, if you want to experience the reality of the Kingdom, look at the Church which is the principal icon of that Kingdom. But if this is true, of what significance is the Christian home? Does it have a role in Christ's Kingdom?
As a Protestant, I believed (though I would have never said it in quite this way) that the Church was an icon of the home. I was convinced that the Christian home was the central institution of society and everything else - even the Church - was secondary. But now, as an Orthodox Christian, I've come to believe that I had it all backwards: the home is an icon of the Church.
This is far more than some esoteric, theological point. It has important ramifications for our family life and especially for how we raise our children. Amazingly, this idea actually makes the home more important, not less. Let me elaborate. In the Church, Christ has established a government made up of bishops, priests, and deacons. And in like manner, He has also established a government in the home: the parents who are, in a very real sense, domestic priests. Consider the fact that the hymns sung at an Orthodox wedding as the bride and groom are led around the table are the very same ones sung at an ordination of a priest when he is led around the altar.
Parents, like priests in the Church, have a responsibility to shepherd the flock allotted to their charge (see I Peter 5:1-4). And as parents, we must rediscover our roles as domestic priests and our corresponding responsibility to pass on our faith to our children.
There are, of course, many more parallels between the Church and the home, but space permits me to mention just one: the centrality of the altar. The primary responsibility of a priest is to officiate at the altar. It is there that, representing the people, he brings their gifts of bread and wine before God's throne as an offering of praise and thanksgiving. And, it is also there that, representing the Lord Himself, the priest returns to the people the holy food of Christ's flesh and blood. Similarly, the family altar should be the central features of every Christian home and prayer its most important activity. The family altar is the primary place where we pass on to our children the "baton" of our faith.
But if this is true, what are some practical ways in which we can focus our family's activities on prayer?
If you are to take your role as priest seriously, you must first of all construct an altar for your family. In order to do something well, you need a place to do it. Dad needs a place where he can fix broken bikes and build bird feeders. Mom needs a place where she can sew and mend clothing. The children need a place where they can play and make crafts. The family also needs a place to pray - the family altar.
This special place of prayer does not have to be fancy, but it does have to be special. Remember, it is a place where the family carries out its most vital activities: prayer, the reading of the sacred Scriptures, and the announcing of important events in the life of the family.
While each family's altar will be uniquely theirs, most altars share certain common characteristics. Usually the altar faces the East. From ancient times Christians have seen in the rising of the sun a symbolic representation of the coming of Christ, the Sun of Justice (see Malachi 4:2). The altar can be a simple shelf mounted on a wall, a small table covered with a tablecloth or, as in my family's case, a special dresser with a glass top. Regardless of the form it takes, most family altars include certain basic components: a few icons on the wall or on the altar itself, candles, a Bible, and prayer books. Optional items include a small incense burner, candle snuffer, and a bottle of Holy Water.
When is the right time to gather at the family altar? Anytime, of course. But through the centuries, Christians have especially gathered twice a day for corporate prayer: morning and evening. Morning prayer gives us an opportunity to bring our needs and concerns to God before we embark on the day's activities. It also helps each person "set his mind on the things above" (Colossians 3:1) where he can address the bustle and demands of the day from a spiritual frame of reference.
Evening prayer, on the other hand, is an opportunity for use to review the day, to confess where we have failed, and to give thanks where we have succeeded.
Prayer during these two times doesn't have to be long; ten to fifteen minutes is generally sufficient. The important thing is to be consistent. It's far better to spend five minutes a day every day praying together than to spend fifteen or twenty minutes praying a couple of times of week. The general principle is to become faithful in little before we stretch ourselves - and our family! - to become faithful in much (see Luke 16:10).
There are, of course, other times to pray. Whenever there is a special need in the family it's a good practice to stop what we're doing and gather for a few moments at the family altar. In like manner, whenever something especially good happens, it's a good idea to stop and give thanks. These times of spontaneous prayer are wonderful tools for communicating to our children the reality of God's presence and His involvement in our lives.
Once you've selected the appropriate time and place, you still have one important decision left to make: what to pray at the family altar. For many people this is the most difficult. Fortunately, there are a variety of resources available to help us. Good prayer books can be obtained from a variety of Orthodox publishing houses. Regardless of which one you use, try to get a copy for each member of your family. This will encourage everyone's participation and give you, as the leader, the option of calling on various members of the family to lead in certain prayers (something my children love to do).
When using a prayer book, it is not necessary to say every prayer nor is it necessary to "stick to the script." If you're just starting out or if your children are small (and their attention spans short), you might want to pray only the Trisagion Prayers, have a short time for extemporaneous personal petitions, and then go immediately to the dismissal. In my home, we often use the prayers as a springboard for our own prayers. This is especially true when we're praying what is referred to as the General Intercessions. For example, if we're praying for the whole Church, we might pause after the written prayer and pray spontaneously for the specific needs of our local parish. Similarly, if we're praying for the civil authorities, we might pause and pray for specific needs in our own community. In this way, prayer becomes a living, dynamic activity rather than a dull, repetitive one. To me, this is liturgical prayer at its best.
One final note: prayer was never intended to be a monologue. In genuine prayer God speaks to us, and we speak to Him. Both are necessary for dialogue. But how does God speak to us? Are we to expect an audible voice? Generally, God speaks to us through the reading of the Holy Scriptures. Thus, Bible reading should be an integral part of our family worship. God specifically charges parents to have His Word upon their hearts and then to pass it on to their children (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9). What better context for Bible reading than as we are gathered together as a family for the purpose of prayer.
In conclusion, let me give you three brief tips, items that will go a long way toward making your family's experience at the family altar a meaningful one.
Reprinted from …Again, Vol. 12, No. 1, pages 7-9.
source: http://www.theologic.com/oflweb/inhome/famalt.htm
Here are a few suggestions to help those with little children make the most of worship time:
 | Sit as close to the front as possible so that the children can see what's happening. Restrict, but don't prohibit movement. Say "Whisper" rather than "Don't talk." |
| Bring materials for the children such as children's liturgy books, Bible story picture books, paper and crayons, quiet toys. |
| Prepare your children for the Liturgy by reading the Gospel the day before, reminding them to listen to it in Liturgy, teaching them to recite the Lord's Prayer, encouraging them to sing along (Lord have mercies, etc.), lighting candles, watching for the entrances, receiving Holy Communion. If you don't know enough about the Liturgy to teach your children, now's the time to find out. |
| Ignore comments that belittle your effort to make your children part of church life. Christ accepted and welcomed children. How can we do any less. |
| Don't be too hard on your children. You probably expect better behavior from them than your parish family does. |
| Make the Church an important part of your life. Strive to learn more, pray more, do good works. The real religious education class is in church. It's "hands on." |
| Attend extra services with your children. During the summer various parishes offer the "Supplication Service to the Theotokos" or "Paraclesis" during the August lenten period. Summer feast days include: SS. Peter & Paul (June 29/July 12), Transfiguration (August 6/19), Dormition of the Theotokos (August 15/28), the Beheading of John the Baptist (August 29/September 11). |
source: http://www.theologic.com/oflweb/inchurch/childlit.htm
My husband and I made what I consider in hindsight to be a major mistake in introducing our daughter Katie, now five, to the life of the Church. When she was a toddler, we brought children’s picture prayer books, Bible story books, and religious coloring books with us to services, and encouraged her to sit quietly looking at the pictures or coloring. This allowed us parents to pray and participate in the services, and kept her relatively quiet so those around us weren’t disturbed… she was in Church very regularly, soaking in the smells and sounds of worship, and “learned” about Jesus with materials “appropriate” for her age. These were good things, the right things to do — or so we thought!
Unfortunately, we gave Katie a completely incorrect notion of what we Christians actually do in Church, and we have spent the past two years “unteaching” our mistake. It has been a very, very frustrating process!
The word ‘liturgy’ means work! Everyone — men and women, adults and children — works together in Church to praise God and ask for His mercy and help, led by the priest and deacons. This work of worship is hard, and there are no shortcuts.
The services of the Church are also where we learn about God — the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit — by learning and then participating in the living Tradition of the Church. We do what the Apostles did, because they taught their parish families what Jesus and the Holy Spirit revealed to them, and those early Christians taught their children, and those children taught their children… The Faith we Orthodox Christians live is the Faith of the Apostles, “deposited” with us through the Church.
Teaching a child to be an Orthodox Christian — and what that means every day — takes a huge commitment and constant effort on the part of the parents and godparents. Here are some of the things we learned the hard way, or were shown to us by people much wiser…
Before Birth — Before your child is born, you can “set the stage” for his or her introduction into the life of the Church. Choose godparents for your child from your own “home parish” who attend services regularly and participate with joy, and who make a great effort to live the Faith in their everyday lives. Ask your priest for his advice about people you are considering asking to be your child’s godparents: he may recommend someone you had not considered, or warn you that someone you were considering is overburdened or struggling, and not a good choice at this time.
Ultimately, your child’s godparents will share the burden of teaching your child about the Faith… pick a good teacher and role model!
Infants & Toddlers — Make a point to hold your child up so that he can see what is going on around the Church during services. During a recent monastery visit, I watched dumbfounded as the Abbess scooped up a toddler in a hug as Vigil began, then moved slowly around the nave with the little girl (and her doll) during the service. She touched everything she could reach, she sang as Mother sang, and two hours later she fell asleep in Mother’s embrace. Wow! I thought, that’s how to introduce a child to the kingdom of God!
Point out the censing of the Church and the clouds of smoke, the gleaming icons, the flickering candles, the music, and the entrances (or ‘parades’) to keep his attention focused on the worship. Keep up a whispering commentary if you can (even if he is too young for explanation, say the names of things, and that they are “for God” and “beautiful”).
Don’t be afraid to move around the back and sides of the nave with your child so that he can touch the icon of St. Herman, or pick up an unlit candle, or breathe in the incense, or see the view right up the center aisle. Let him “explore” this holy environment with you as a guide… the side benefit of this is that your child will probably be too fascinated to fuss during services, and he’ll learn to be completely welcome in the house of God.
Does this mean that toddlers, or even older children, should be allowed to wander around on their own, explore under the pews, hide behind baptismal font at the back of the nave, or roll on the floor in the center aisle during the sermon? No, absolutely not! Children still need to show proper respect for the holy place where they are, the house of God. And the parents and godparents need to be at their side to explain what they’re supposed to be doing, and illustrate both proper behavior and attitude by example. (Fr. David Barr’s wonderful article on Church etiquette, “Some Things You Should Know while in Church,” appeared in the Summer 1997 issue of OFL, and is available on the internet on at least 5 different sites, including www.theologic.com/oflweb.)
Pre-Schoolers — Encourage your child to sing softly with you during the litanies and hymns, and work with him at home to learn the Our Father as soon as he is able to understand what he’s asked to repeat. Remind him to make the sign of the cross or bow toward the priest or deacon when it’s appropriate, and praise him when he does these things by himself at the right times.
Repeat over and over that it’s his job to pray, too, so that God can “hear” him and “see” him… he’s part of the “team” and can “play” just like the adults and older kids. You may even want to give him a picture prayer book so he can follow along with the main points of the service (matching the picture in the book to what he sees), and do what mom, dad, and the other adults are doing (turning pages together as the service progresses).
Eventually, you’ll have to “stay put” during services rather than wander together exploring, usually when a child is too heavy to hold comfortably for a long period. Choose a place to stand in the nave as close to the front as possible (or comfortable, if you still need to make occasional mid-service exits with younger children) and on the center aisle, so that your child can stand on his own and be able to see. Don’t worry if you child “sticks out” in the aisle a bit; our daughter sometimes “blends in” with the altar boys holding candles during the gospel (which is read in the center of the nave in our parish, since we have a deacon), but she can see and hear everything that goes on.
This age is also when the “deep theological questions” usually start: What is Father doing with that funny candlestick? Why is he washing his hands? Why is he holding up that piece of bread? For the parent, this is when the “real” work of teaching the Faith begins!
Encourage your child to ask you, your spouse, and his godparents questions quietly during the service, and whisper an answer as he’s watching the service progress, if possible. If you don’t know an answer, make a point to say, “I don’t know. We’ll ask Father at coffee hour. You remind me, okay?”
As a parent, you’ll need to be prepared for a non-stop deluge of questions. Read up on the history and symbolism of the services your parish offers regularly: the Divine Liturgy at minimum, and Vespers, Matins, Hours, the wedding service, and Baptism/Chrismation as you are able. Take a few minutes to look up the events being celebrated in an upcoming feast, and look at the icon as a “story book” before going to the church. There are many excellent resources for these, including articles in your parish bulletin and OFL.
Kindergarteners — As soon as your child is able to recognize words on a page (even by memory, instead of actually reading), have him follow along with the service in your parish’s adult service book. Ask him to keep track of the “Lord, have mercy”s for you as he sings, and to let you know when it’s time for the Gospel or Our Father. This is a wonderful way to keep him involved and interested, and to really illustrate the point that we are all working together in the services: we all follow the same “script”, just like our grandparents, and their grandparents, and even St. Nicholas (or his/her patron saint) did!
Encouraging questions has worked for our family, I’m happy to say: our daughter Katie now points out changes in vestment color (along with her theory as to what the new color means), and offers her explanation of why something is happening if she hasn’t seen it before (in her memory). For example, on Holy Friday she told me as the plaschanitsa (or ‘winding sheet’) was taken on procession, “See, Father is carrying Jesus around and around, and putting Him in Joseph’s tomb,” and when we approached to venerate His body, “There’s a cloth over His face now. Don’t lift it, because He’s dead. That’s his mummy-cloth.” She has been listening!
The most difficult “unlearning” task we faced personally (and are still working on) was teaching our daughter how to stand for prayer. She was used to sitting while we stood, because we allowed her to as a toddler, and praised her when she was still and quiet. We started teaching her to stand last year by reminding her to stand during entrances, the Gospel, the Cherubic Hymn, the Creed and Our Father, and the Anaphora, and then encouraged her to stand “with the big people” for more and more of the service. Occasionally, she will stand for a whole service now, but most of the time she gets tired and sits for a few minutes at a time. We don’t force her, but continue to remind her when a “time to stand” comes along. Sometimes, she gets right up without missing a beat, but other times it’s, “Oh, Mom!” I just know I’ll be happy when she stands all the time, because I get light-headed turning around and bending over to answer her questions!
We’ve gotten back on the right track, I think, in teaching our daughter that the Church’s services are for worship and learning about God together, not for reading and drawing on your own. It is a gradual process, and we still suffer setbacks from time to time: standing with a good friend, socializing is more appealing than praying; near a group of younger children, coloring or “babysitting” are enticing. But we keep reminding…
Don’t give up on your own efforts to draw your child — whatever his or her age — into the worshipping community of the Church. It is worth it!
by Nichola T. Krause
source: http://www.theologic.com/oflweb/inchurch/lazyparent.htm
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